done day (i think)

I think I'm stopping breastfeeding today. I say "I think" because I was going to stop last night and ended up feeding her in the night. It's way harder then I thought it would be (on me, the baby doesn't seem to give a rip - she just loves to eat, clearly). I have terrible knots in my stomach and I feel like the worst mom - I'm sure for the first of many times. I wrote a post a couple of weeks ago about how terrible and unnatural breastfeeding felt to me. The thing is, I don't feel like that anymore. It's much easier, I enjoy the bonding and it breaks my heart to stop. I just feel like it will be too difficult when I go back to work. I don't think office pumping is realistic (and that's when we're in the office, not out at meetings or traveling). We've been giving the baby a couple of bottles of formula a day, and she takes it really well. After her bedtime bottle, she actually makes these full baby sounds while she's falling asleep. Soft little coos instead of the grunts and squirms she makes in her sleep after I feed her. I swear, she also spits up less after formula feedings. But, whatever. The truth of it is I am a control freak and want to have a couple of weeks to get her on a schedule that will be similar to what she'll be on when I'm back at work. I want to have some idea of how many ounces of formula she eats in a day. So "I think" this is the right decision, I just didn't know it would feel so awful.